MB-Eish: Post 24: 0

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the twenty-fourth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Zero days!

The business school is located in an old prison building, and the tradition is that when you hand in your thesis you ring the prison bell. This morning I rang the bell! I am free! I handed in my research thesis just before noon today! I got through most of what I wanted to include in the end and it is too late to stress now about what didn't make it to the report. 

I cannot believe this is  finally over.

The acknowledgements in my thesis read as follows before I trimmed it down and made it more serious (edited for anonymity): 

To my fiancé, it’s hard to put into words what you have meant to me over the last two years. You have supported me in ways I didn’t even realise I needed. It has been a more turbulent journey than I could ever anticipate but you have been my oxygen mask time and time again! Thank you for being a sounding board, for supporting my new friendships, for even staying up with me on many of my late MBA nights. I started out on this program wishing to make our lives better in the long run and at the same time hoping the process itself would not pull us apart. Well, it did not; quite the contrary: I began this journey as your girlfriend and I end it as your fiancé. Someone once said “Life is like a Rubik’s cube. At times you have to make things worse before they get better.” Well, we have just swiveled the last blocks into place, love. It just gets better from here!

To Mom and Dad, thank you for being so understanding when I could not be around as much as I used to be. Thank you for the little things: offering to help with laundry, encouraging me when I felt like I was running out of steam; and for all the early morning wake-up calls before work after the late MBA nights! I look forward to spending more time with you now that this has been conquered.

To my bestie, you have your friend back! Thank you for being my unrelenting cheerleader; even though much of it had to be digital. I look forward to many lunches, many afternoons playing with Little Miss F and most of all, to resuming our place as 30 seconds champions.

To my class mates, my syndicate group, my new friends, and in particular to Mrs D, your camaraderie and friendship have made this process such a beautiful journey when it could have been a traumatic ordeal. I would never have imagined that I would feel like I am in a syndicate room full of friends working together on an assignment at 2am, when in fact I am just on our Facebook page at my desk, but with you all that has been the case. Above all, thank you for being so open with your experiences and insights. I have learned so much and hold you all in high esteem!

Lastly, to EU, my lecturer and supervisor, thank you for your patience and for being an invaluable sounding board through this project. From the outset, your approach has set me at ease and given me the confidence to tackle the task.

MB-Eish: Part 23: 2

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the twenty-third in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Two sleeps left. 

I can't even say two days because it's already 7am. I've been up all night cramming to get some more analysis done. In about 24 hours I will be going back to work armed with a soft copy of my thesis, ready for printing. Nearly time to give my 2c worth to the research community. I hope they don't spend it all at once. 

Gosh! I am exhausted, excited, sad... all at the same time. On the one hand I've been working on this so much that I'm sick of it. On the other hand I keep thinking of more things I could add to make it better. I can't believe after wishing it to be over, I am here on the threshold of this experience being complete; the MBA, not the thesis, that is. I almost don't want it to end. Almost. 

Well, there's a long day ahead before I can wrestle with all of that. 

Time for a nap on the couch and then for the final sprint to the finish line.  

ZZZzzzzzzz......

MB-Eish: Post 22: 3

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the twenty-second in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Three days left. 

And I am trying to exercise  the utmost discipline and exert the craziest amount of effort to finish this paper in style. 

I am restricting myself to three hours of sleep a day. I am working in three hour shifts with ten minute comfort breaks in between. 

I see nothing but my laptops and my many to-do lists. These last few days my eyes will see no television, no novels, no movies. 

I hear nothing but the music streaming out of my head-phones spurring me on. Kanye West telling me now that, that, that, that don't kill me will only make me stronger. Nina Simone empathizing that I been a workin' and a slavin' and I still got so terribly far to go. And Bono, sweet Bono, reminding me that it's a beautiful day, as I search for more literature references, more data... lamenting the fact that I still haven't found what I'm looking for. When my computer crashes, Chris Martin understands that tears stream down my face because I've lost something I can't replace.

And I say nothing, except for talking to myself about how to phrase an argument or how to present a graph. I've probably said ten words to my fiancé today. And I think those words were "Can you go and buy some more Red Bull please?". I haven't called my mother in days. The only calls I take are from other MBAs who need my help or who are calling to cheer me up. 

Three days left. I can do this.

MB-Eish: Part 21: 4

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the twenty-first in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Four days (well, nights) left. 

Not that I can tell the difference anymore between night and day. Just less noise from traffic outside at night; my scenery is the same: the fluorescent light shining on my desk, the luminous screens of my laptops, spreadsheets, sustainability reports, and occasionally my cats playing at the top of the stairs near my desk. I have even started sleeping at my desk. I'm too afraid to lie down at this point as it is getting damn near impossible to rise after just an hour-long nap and at this point every hour is crucial. I probably don't even have time to be typing this post.

I am days behind where I thought I would be. And the work I was considering axing has been recommended for inclusion by my research supervisor. And the problem (and motivation) is that I still care about the mark. One more course mark was released today, and it was really good! I do not want to stuff up my GPA in the last 4 bloody days of this degree.

Four more nights, three more days. Just over 72 hours. I need at least 40 hours to go back and get data for the new work. At least 20 hours to analyse and write up. That leaves 4 hours a day to sleep, eat, break... The math is not on my side! 

But I will not give up until I have absolutely run out of time. Back to work!

MB-Eish: Part 20: 5

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the twentieth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Five days left.

No, that is not a typo. No, it is not déjà vu. No, you are not Bill Murray in a cheesy movie about a rodent. But as there were yesterday, there are five days left today. (Well it's almost midnight now, but you know what I mean.)

Yesterday's post was a mini freak-out. I am behind where I need to be to deliver the awesomest thesis that I can. No doubt, I am on track to hand in a good paper but I was starting to question whether I should cut some things out to finish on time. Yes, yesterday I was wishing my hand could "reach out and grab more time". 

Cut to today and as if my Gandalf-esque magic, our whole class has been granted a one day extension! Some or other mix up with the school administration and just like that I have 24 more hours at my disposal than I did yesterday. This is unbelievable, especially since yesterday I lost 5 hours of my time in an unfortunate disagreement with my laptop and Excel. 

A whole extra day!! And it's come at the end when I'm all fired up and inspired to do this right so I won't waste it in front of the telly! I am not especially religious, in fact I am happily agnostic, but on days like this it does feel a lot like the universe is on my side.

Well, I've just handed in a draft of two chapters. There is still PLENTY to do but I will certainly sleep easier (well I may actually get time to sleep) tonight. I'm not saying I was drowning but it feels like someone just threw a lifesaver my way and I can finish this report the way I'd planned to. 

Awesome!

MB-Eish: Part 19: 5

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the nineteenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Five days left.

I can count the days left on one hand. 

A hand that I wish could reach out and grab some more time; but all it can do it type, grip my can of Red Bull and hold my head while I stare at my spreadsheet and wonder why I'm not further along.  Oh, and apparently it hits the "snooze" button on my blackberry quite effectively. I was planning an all-nighter. I made it to 6am and tried to have a "nap". Yes, a one hour nap... and yet here I am three hours later. 

Five days left and I am still analyzing my data. Five days left and I have not written a word to turn my proposal into an actual report. Five days left and I am still changing my mind about my method of analysis. I thought I would have sent a draft of my findings to my supervisor two days ago. At one point things were going so well I was wondering why I took two weeks off from work. I guess there was some denial at play.

Can you tell that I haven't had my morning caffeine yet?



Well, the finish line is in sight whether I like it or not. Quite a few people have crossed it. 

They are doing victory laps. 
Waving at the crowd. 


It is time to start sprinting... until my fucking legs give out. 

MB-Eish: Part 18: 7

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the eighteenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Geez. 7 days. I can barely believe it.

Firstly, I apologize for not blogging for 5 days. I said every day, and this is not exactly every day. May I lay the blame ceremoniously at Inspiration's feet.

About three days ago, like an other-worldly spirit, she possessed me and stirred me first to restlessness and then into a feverish frenzy. I could not break for more than 20 minutes without thinking of being back at my desk. I lost all sense of time. I struggled to keep track of when last I'd eaten, showered, slept. At some point I was up for more than 24 hours without even realizing it, working like an unstoppable beast. Only when I'd look into a mirror long enough would there be some clues of self-neglect: deep bluish-brown circles under my eyes, disheveled hair, ashen skin. But in my near out-of-body state I accomplished in three days what may otherwise have taken weeks. I have now been through all my sustainability reports and I have a data set! I look at some of the cells in my spreadsheets and I don't remember how they got populated but when I check the data, it is correct. Ah Inspiration, I bow before you! I surrender to you for the next seven days! Clearly I am in good hands!

Of course like ancient tribes who consumed hallucinogenic plants as part of their religious rituals, and the Christians who gather at the altar with hands outstretched for a chalice of wine, this spiritual experience is being facilitated by the steady trickle of Red Bull down by throat. 

Back to work!

MB-Eish: Part 17: 12

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the seventeenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.




So... 12 days to go.

I have taken annual leave for the next two weeks to finish this baby off. Already yesterday, my first day off, I did nearly as much as I've managed in the last two weekends. And things are starting to make sense! I can't wait to start analyzing and writing this up when I'm finally finished fishing for figures in sustainability reports! Nothing like focus, pajamas and lots of junk food to get things going. Flickers of light, the light of good ideas in the middle of the night... or is that just the dawn?..Of course when I get back there's a week of sleepless nights waiting for me while I finish the work that's on hold... but no time to think about that now. That, my friends, is a post for another day. 

To take stock of the situation, I am a month behind schedule. I have finished 20% of my data gathering and yet by now I'm meant to be awaiting feedback on my first draft. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. 

Actually, that's not true. 

By now I know to laugh. Nervously, uncontrollably, the louder the better! Tears are for sissies. Tears are for people who have slack time in their gantt charts. Tears are for people who have time to entertain Panic. 

Although according to my research supervisor who I met with this morning this is "normal". And yet there are people in the class who have this thing done and dusted. Then again he did say he usually supervises the stragglers who don't have supervisors lined up months ahead of time, so maybe I'm on the bell curve for the slow group. 

I need to do a month's worth of work in a week, and Panic is going to slow me down. It is time to send Panic a-packin'. Panic has lit a fire under my behind and out of the ashes, the beautiful... the mysterious... the mesmerizing... the magical... Inspiration has emerged. 

Dear Panic

Shakespeare said "all the world's a stage". On that stage yours is but an opening monologue. Thank you for playing your part so dutifully, but it is time to end that scene, as the real star of the show has just floated silently into the spotlight at stage left: Inspiration.

I can't take my eyes off her and she has but whispered her opening line. 

Now, now.. don't fret, my dear. Don't let this get you down. I'm sure you will have your shot at a reappearance in a week or two, but until then I'm listening to the leading lady.

Yours (but not for the next twelve days),
Inspired Femgineer

Mwah

MB-Eish: Part 16: 15

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the sixteenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

15 days to go. 

I am still gathering data and other people have handed in drafts! Oh, the life of a PROcrastinator. As usual there is no choice but to suck it up and keep moving, slowly picking up the pace everyday. Hopefully I will finish on a high as always.

For now I feel like I'm wading through syrup with this data. Not to bore you with the details, but I'm covering something that requires me to extract environmental and other touchy-feely stats from companies' sustainability reports. To my surprise and dismay, companies largely suck at sustainability reporting. It easily takes an hour to find one data point. My total study requires 600 data points at least. Screwed, I tell you. 

Instead of gathering data, yesterday I spent a few hours reviewing my sample. I am making an executive decision to ditch entire sectors of the stock exchange because the reporting sucks. I need to get something out in the next 15 days and at this pace it's not going to be worth reading.  

At least the work break starts in less than 24 hours. And then I'm not leaving the house except to buy red bull or see my supervisor. Or to buy more candy. 

MB-Eish: Part 15:17

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the fifteenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

17 days to go. 

And thank goodness because I don't think my body can handle much more. This week I have been working late every night for a work deadline. For the last two days I have resorted to drinking red bull for breakfast just to appear normal at the morning meeting. Hopefully that worked. Of course the more you drink the more you need... I want nothing but junk food all day. And if it weren't for my fiancé feeding me the occasional pasta, my dinners would consist of Pringles and more red bull. Coupled with an average of four hours sleep a night, I am sure this is the equivalent of feeding pool cleaner to a pot plant. But it is too late to kick the crutch now.

I have admitted defeat and pushed my work deadline out to after thesis. So I have a whole weekend to work on my research, and in a day or two my two week push to finish begins. No doubt there will be about a crate of red bull, crisps and candy at the ready. One day when I grow up I will learn to eat well as well as work well under pressure. Until then, pass me a jelly bean...

MB-Eish: Part 14: 19

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the fourteenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.


Holy crap! Nineteen days to go. I can't believe this is in the teens already!

Just a few days left before I press II on my day job. 

I've tried to pull the third late night in a row tonight to work on my last project for the analyst trainee program. My fiancé literally dragged me out of bed at my request to rescue me from a nap that was turning into another sleep-overdose; but it's been a highly unproductive evening despite copious amounts of red bull. My body is not keeping up the slack, man! I wish I could rent a fresh one for a few weeks! One that's been sleeping, working out and eating fruit and veggies. I might need to feed mine caffeine intravenously towards the end of the next few weeks. Seems a bit like I am reaping diminishing returns for my efforts. The course is set for the destination but the fuel light is on. (I did warn you ten days ago that there would be grumpiness and melancholy in these last MB-Eish posts.)

But I will press on! I'm betting on myself to get a good job done at work and finish my thesis in about 12 days. Betting the house on the next 19 days.

MB-Eish: Part 13: 20

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the thirteenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

A mere twenty days to go. What a simultaneously pleasant and terrifying thought. 

Dear Panic

I have good news and bad news. 

Though I am pleased that you have finally decided to show your support, I'm afraid I cannot entertain you just yet. I have decided that I am no good at juggling. I am spending more time shifting between between work projects and thesis than actually advancing either ball towards the try line. It is time to grab one at a time with both hands and slam dunk them. All I am achieving is directionless dribbling and it is time to set up a decent game plan. 

Now that I have completely mixed all the sports metaphors I know (and one probably from the circus), let me tell you the plan of attack: (Don't worry, I'm not switching to military metaphors.) For the next few days I will get work projects out of the way. I am bringing my big deadline forward ready or not. There is enough Red Bull out there to facilitate that. 

Once I have pulled that off I will stick my hand into the annual leave cookie jar and slink off to hide out for the last fourteen days of MBA. Fourteen days of uninterrupted focus to write the perfect academic swan song. There will be more red bull! There will be pajamas all day! There will be Pringles and Asian food deliveries every night! 

Can you wait a few more days? Please put the matches away for now. The good news? You can light that fire under my rear exactly a week from now.

Yours in anticipation,
Flame-resistant Femgineer

MB-Eish: Part 12: 21

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the twelfth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

Technically, it's after midnight and it's actually 20 days to go. I wish I could say I've been up pulling an all-nighter for my thesis. Alas, it's been an all-nighter for work. I've just come home after my fiancé who was working a shift at the emergency room from 4pm til midnight.  I think the only reason I'm blogging and not fast asleep is because I'm waiting to use the shower. 

The last leg of my analyst trainee program officially ends in 2 weeks. Yes 2 weeks. i.e. 1 week before thesis hand in. The two very important deadlines in my life right now are on course for a nasty collision and the likely casualty is me. 

I am more screwed than a drunk cheerleader on prom night. *profanities*

MB-Eish: Part 11: 22

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the eleventh in a series of posts about my MBA experience.


Twenty-two days to go and I think the panic has finally set in. 

I've been waiting for this: Panic or inspiration. I can't get much done without at least one of the above. And the second usually follows from the first. 

I have finished 10% of what I needed to do this weekend. Not for lack of trying, but probably because it was un-achievable in the first place. As usual I have underestimated what needs to be done and I foresee that I will have no sleep for the next three weeks. 

And to make matters worse I am not "in the zone". It's December, the sun is out and I am freaking tired. I feel like school's out and people are asking me to work during my Summer vacation.

I know I will get this done, but exactly how is not clear this very minute.

Dear, Panic. 

Why the hell didn't you get here sooner? You know I can't work when you're not around! This is all your fault.

Yours petulantly,

Frazzled Femgineer

MB-Eish: Part 10: 23

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the tenth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

I've been up since 4am. 

I had a Friday evening pre-thesis time "nap" which turned into a full on sleep-binge. Fortunately I do not have a sleep hangover. But needless to say I slept through blogging time. And thesis time. And dinner time, sort of. The other half of my thai take-out is ice-cold on the kitchen counter.

This is not good. This is sooooo not good.


I was never any good at mental arithmetic, but I've checked my calculations on my calculator and it seems I have at least 240 hours worth of data gathering to do if I am to do what I've described in my research proposal. Then I would still have to analyze and write some findings worthy of a first class pass. As I have only 23 days left, this implies that I need to spend all my waking hours working on my thesis. 





Just one problem: I have a day job.

 The companies I cover are reporting annual results and working late is highly necessary in the next two weeks. I knew this two months ago when I drew up my thesis project plan. It's in Excel. It has pretty colours. It means jack shit at this point.

I sense a scope change on the horizon. Bugger!... and other profanities. 23 days to go. 




Psssst!

This was going to be my "24" picture. I slept instead of blogging, but it's too pretty to not go up. Back to work for me then...

MB-Eish: Part 9: 25

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the ninth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

I used to be religious. These days I am a bit cynical about it all. If you are sensitive about such I suggest you eat ice-cream while you read this. It may take away that bitter taste...

In certain Christian circles it's popular to walk to the front of a large room and publicly commit your life to the Holy Troika. There are tears and sometimes there is clapping. Music swells in the background and your friends hug you as you return to your seat. From that moment on you are "saved". You are special. 

But... almost immediately you are susceptible to the force of your old habits pulling you back to a comfortably sinful equilibrium. Heavens! Back to the old you! Except that you have had a glimpse of glory. Kinda like watching something in HD and then going back to regular TV. The people who were doing the clapping when you had your moment call this "back-sliding". I know it sounds like a retro dance step, or a maneuver you might execute at a skate park. It is not. It is what happens when you don't surround yourself with like-minded people who keep you on the straight and narrow; Reading the Good Book and discussing the challenges of being so straight, and so narrow...



Now what the fudge** does this have to do with MBA you may ask? Well, I'm surprised you can't see the connection! 

A few months from now I will walk to the front of a rather Gothic,  rather large room and publicly become special. Graduation! My mother will cry. There will be clapping; perhaps even swollen music. And my friends will certainly hug me as I return to my seat. 

And then... the trappings of mind-numbing reality TV, computer games, cheesy novels, cotton-candy women's magazines... they will be calling out! Pulling me away from the good books (and magazines) on my diligently compiled Recommended Reads list: The Intelligent Investor, The Smartest Guys in The Room, Freakonomics, HBR, The Economist, Steve Jobs: A Biography, to name a few. Intellectual back-sliding will surely be my fate unless I surround myself with people who are interested in keeping the conversation going, who are smarter than me and knowledgeable about different things than me. Fortunately I've moved from The Bank to The Fund and nerdiness is encouraged, even lauded there. Most people are damn near overflowing with knowledge.

Enough to give me oil in my lamp, keep it burning; keep it burning til the break of day. Sing hosanna, y'all.

**Fudge. The word sometimes used by the people who do the clapping when they would rather not say "fuck". Also yummy and frequently sold at annual church fêtes.

MB-Eish Part 8: 26

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the eighth in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

I have a friend who always asks me how I am more than once when we talk. At first one could think she did not hear the first answer. Or that the second and third try are just superfluous. But I think the truth is she accepts that the first answer will be a superficial one; that she has to ask a few times until I've run out of fluff and actually tell her how I really am. She happens to be a doctor, so maybe it's some kind of technique they are taught... who knows. 


In a similar vein I've been asking myself what I've learned from this MBA. What have I gotten out of it? What am I taking with me? The first answers that bubble up are superficial: useful contacts, a new job in a new industry, a femgineer's guide (read dummy's guide) to basic finance, economics, strategy... But as I keep asking myself the same questions over and over I have to admit it's been deeper than that. As much as I expected to gloss over the touchy-feely personal development stuff, it's gotten in under my skin. 

I feel like the things that were important to me two years ago are no longer as important. I feel a lot smaller. Humbled. 

Instead of feeling like the polished MBA graduate I thought I would be by now, I realize that we have just scratched the surface. What I know is a fraction of what there is to know, which makes me shudder to think of how little I knew before... What I know is a fraction of the collective knowledge within a group of individuals. What I can create or produce on my own is an adequate but monotone shadow of what can be born out of the collaboration of folks who recognize that they are equally yet differently talented. These realizations are part of what I am taking away.

If this were a conversation with my friend she would not be finished yet with asking her question. There is more to say! (But it would be prudent to sleep at this point)

Fortunately, I have 26 more days to keep asking.

MB-Eish Part 7: 27

**"Eish" is a South African slang term expressing surprise, dismay, anger or frustration.** 

As I mentioned two years ago, I have joined the droves of engineers who have sold out to the dark side: Banking (and more recently, the elite league of the dark side: Asset Management). To make myself more comfortable in my new, murky surrounds I have decided to do an MBA part-time. This is the seventh in a series of posts about my MBA experience.

This is a the loneliest I've felt throughout this MBA. Just me, a stack of company reports and a fridge full of Red Bull. 

Last year I couldn't wait to get to this point. I am no longer accountable to anyone else and I can work (or not work) whenever I want. With group work, everyone had an opinion that they wanted voiced which slowed stuff down so much. But as much as syndicate group work was a pain in the rear from a scheduling and efficiency point of view, I didn't feel like I was in it alone. At this point I feel like talking in circles would beat having debates with myself! At least a group meeting or a Skype call comes to an end. In my head the debate can go on in a loop forever. 

Yeah, it's lonely. No-one else is doing exactly the same research so there's no point bitching to anyone, 'cause they just won't get it. No-one else, including my supervisor, has read exactly what I've read about this so anyone else's opinion is a bit iffy. The ideas, the motivation and the objective critique have got to come from within. If this were a fairy tale, I'd be slaying the dragon, the giant, the wicked witch and the wolf myself. 

Coupled with that is the realization that I'll never see some folks from my class again. While in a few cases this is hardly a pity, there are many more that I'm going to miss. We've had this long distance relationship going for two years! Seeing everyone every few months for classes has become an anticipated routine; two weeks of  intellectual ping-pong, constant challenge, shared ideas, discussions that most people would rather avoid.  And a surprising amount of sharing of personal journeys. I'm going to miss it! I've felt like my brain has come alive!

So what now? Yeah, we say we'll stay in touch. We'll see each other around. We'll be active alumni. But give it a year and half of us will be pruning our Facebook accounts, picking off people we haven't spoken to since graduation (but not our LinkedIn accounts, 'cause that's just bad business). Five years, and I'll need the captions on the class photo to remember some people's names. 

Sad, but probably true. 27 days to go.